Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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Page: 7 of 35
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My life is a constant panic attack occasionally interrupted by a nap
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Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.
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Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.
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Never underestimate a woman's ability to make you apologize when she is the one who is clearly in the wrong.
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The only part I believed in the movie Titanic was when she wouldn't move her fat ass over and let Jack on the raft with her.
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Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example.
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If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.
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Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn't see himself in a mirror.
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A relationship that’s needs to be validated and reinforced by being constantly paraded on Facebook for the whole world to see is a desperate relationship that will not last.
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Lord gimme patience...or an untraceable handgun.
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Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
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I just saw a baby with a t-shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!”
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Finally...a woman who can make me smile without taking her clothes off.
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That thing where hypnotists snap their fingers and people fall asleep? Do they make that for kids?
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It's 2012. How come some restaurants haven't figured out how to split checks? Nobody wants to take a math test after they eat.
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Someone please tell Facebook that all relationships are complicated.
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When will companies understand their packaging is being opened by human beings not robots?
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Whenever I screw up at work I'm so glad I'm not a doctor.
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Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun?
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I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.
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