@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon X FACTOR FANS! If you're missing Gamu, don't worry! From next Wednesday you'll be able to sponsor her for £3 a month!
←Rate | 10-12-2010 11:05 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  

   messageicon Little Jonny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?" Apparently "3 BJs and enough left for a kebab" was the wrong answer!
←Rate | 01-19-2011 12:14 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon These days, there are all sorts of people who get shortened names. For example, Jennifer Lopez gets called J-Lo, Susan Boyle gets called SuBo and some people call Simon Cowell something like SyCo. I don't think Pete Doherty will go for it...
←Rate | 12-27-2010 11:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
←Rate | 06-17-2012 07:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cousin told me he was gay today. What an idiot, coming out in weather like this.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 13:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mate Alan has been drinking brake fluid for 6 years, but he says he's not addicted. He reckons he can stop any time he wants...
←Rate | 02-04-2011 13:19 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog ate a condom last night. Try explaining THAT to the Vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse!
←Rate | 06-18-2011 06:18 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon After the 2.2 magnitude earthquake in Blackpool, a huge crack has appeared on the promenade. The Tourist Board are said to be delighted that Jordan has decided to take a holiday there.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 07:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Radio One DJ Chris Moyles has announced he will perform a record-breaking 37 hour radio show. If rumours are to be believed then during his time on air he will play almost a dozen records.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 06:01 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sky Sports – “David, you are planning a return to the Premier League, you have only ever played for one other team being Man United; have you thought about the stick?” David – “Yeah, she'll get used to it, she loves London.”
←Rate | 01-07-2011 07:23 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  

   messageicon SKY news: 'parachute team die in plane crash'. Couldn't they just have jumped out?
←Rate | 11-21-2010 12:13 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason. What a waste of fourteen years.
←Rate | 11-20-2010 05:59 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon donates £2 a month to starving Africans - and what do they do? Go out and buy a f-kin trumpet!
←Rate | 06-15-2010 10:38 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon England have become the number one cricketing team in the world. We sure showed those 8 other teams.
←Rate | 08-14-2011 08:24 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jordan says, "I'm devastated, Alex has left a gaping hole in my life." Come off it Katie that's been there since your early teens!
←Rate | 01-12-2011 14:10 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I imagine Fabio Capello has resigned to concentrate fully on his commitments as one of the Dolmio puppets.
←Rate | 02-08-2012 16:31 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just had my Valentine's day card off Moonpig... She hates it when I call her that.
←Rate | 02-14-2012 13:24 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cried myself to sleep every night for ten years until I found out that some c*nt had stuffed my pillow with onions.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 07:25 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was on my driving lesson when the instructor said, "You need to change gear." I said, "Sorry I just feel comfortable dressed as a scuba diver."
←Rate | 02-11-2011 17:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon “How depressing, it's so cold and grey,” said the wife. “Well, it is January,” I replied. … then I noticed the dead elephant lying in our front room.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 11:47 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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