Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate | 10-15-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: So, are you seeing anyone? Me: You mean like a therapist or hallucinations?
←Rate | 11-24-2019 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 08:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  


   messageicon I cannot believe all of these people are out! -Me when I’m out
←Rate | 05-11-2020 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fuzzy dice.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
←Rate | 06-17-2019 09:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.
←Rate | 06-28-2019 19:49 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
←Rate | 08-04-2017 17:56 by Otis Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I danced like nobody was watching, someone stabbed me with an EpiPen.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks ago and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off
←Rate | 02-17-2021 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
←Rate | 09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 17:33 Comments (0)  




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