Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 7 of 6357

An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was okay. She said, “it’s no big deal really, I only carry that old purse to put my dog’s poop in it.”
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01-12-2023 01:05
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Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
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01-19-2023 02:01
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I’m all out of snacks. What else do people do for fun? 🤔
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01-23-2023 02:40
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Some of you are going to keep trusting the system until your pronouns are was/were. 🙁
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01-23-2023 02:51
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Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
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06-08-2022 01:38
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When your fart smells like death and you’re waiting for your friend to smell it.
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06-24-2022 23:14
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IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
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01-18-2023 01:05
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Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
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01-13-2023 02:50
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Fake laughing with customers is actually a skill and we should be allowed to add that to our resumes.
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01-18-2023 01:12
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When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔
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01-23-2023 03:06
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Me: My dog is probably thinking about other dogs. My dog: “What was Scar’s name before he got that scar?”
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01-10-2023 02:13
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You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
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01-19-2023 04:10
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Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
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01-13-2023 02:41
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To all 6 of you who like my posts, I do it all for you.
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01-13-2023 02:46
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The urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content)
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01-18-2023 01:09
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How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
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01-19-2023 01:53
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You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
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06-19-2022 02:37
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Her: I have a child that needs a father figure. Him: I wear socks with sandals. Her: wow, you’re daddy af.
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04-22-2022 23:20
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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