Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey, m€ga sheep.... Check your 401s today? Bwahahahahaha!

   Four pair of solar eclipse glasses for sale. Just used for just a few minutes. 1/2 price. 😎

   To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.

   My doctor says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body helps prevent cellulite. Apparently, you can’t do it in Starbucks. And now the cops are here…..

   Don't worry if you lost money on crypto currency.. Just hoard baby formula and you'll make it all back

   My teacher told me "i think you have trouble comprehending words, so I said to her "i don't even know what that means"

   Kissing someone while they are asleep is one of the purest displays of love...unless you're in prison.

   Too bad, sooooo sad

   Overheard a lady saying she won't let her kid watch Peppa Pig because it encourages bad behavior like "jumping in puddles". I watched Road Runner as a kid and haven't blown anyone up with dynamite - yet.

   It's okay I can say ,f@gg0t I fck them

   He’s only on the second month and now France wants the Statue Of Liberty back LOL.

   It's so funny that we're annoying this one loser so much lmfao

   "We want to restore the Department of Justice to an institution that focuses on fighting law and order." White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt Hey look. The first truthful thing the bimbo's said yet.

   I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.

   This recipe calls for leftover bacon… Might as well be asking for dragon tenderloin or Bigfoot steaks… jest sayin

   The difference between jam and jelly is I can't jelly my dong in my wife's blow hole.

   Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   EVER HAVE TO POOP SO BAD, YOU PEE SECOND ?

   Ladies hide your shelter from homeless men it’s officially fall season

   messageicon This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment