Funny Status Messages
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Tesla lost about $38.2 BILLION in market capitalization today. Happy Tuesday, y'all! 
People who stroke themselves to Donald Trump every day and brag because he won, don't realize that they have lost so much. They're going to realize it soon enough. I laugh at them, and spit on their flag lolz
Remember ladies, when the devil can’t reach you he sends you a broke man who is good in bed
Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in the car like they've just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy?
I'm currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening tools, Its called beeches and hoes..
Marriage tip: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.
All of you, my friends are like boobs. Some of y’all are real, some are fake. But all of y’all need to be pinched.
OK, what genius decided to call them "Falsies" and not "Delusions of Glandular"?
Just once in my life, I'd actually like to see a liar's pants catch on fire.
You gotta love these women on Facebook that never ♥️ your posts because they're married. Meanwhile, their husbands are flirting with anything that has 2 holes and a heartbeat.
Whatever…Reese’s Eggs are cheaper and taste better than real eggs anyway.
Trump won. 🏆
Look at all the pitiful haters out there making gay jokes about me as though it were some sort of insult. I thought you supported gay rights? But now it's supposed to be a negative thing? LOL
क्या कोई मुझे अजीब स्थिति संदेश वेबसाइट पर निर्देशित कर सकता है?
The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is giving their heart to someone who needs a brain.
Remember when we used to do prank calls growing up? Now those spam calls are karma getting us back.
Podría alguien dirigirme a un sitio web divertido de mensajes de estado?
foods contain ingredients such as iron, potassium, calcium, etc so I'm going to start calling my dinner table my "table of elements"
It's ironic that the two O's in 'cooperate' insisted on having their own separate sounds.
What do I like most about my job? Payday, breaks and leaving. 