Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6300 of 6370
Dear NASA, thank you for wasting 75 million government dollars to bomb the moon because you THOUGHT you saw "ice"..... I mean really? I think I see ice in a pothole on my block, can I have 200 mortar rounds and a launch tube so I can make sure I'm right?
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10-09-2009 22:24
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has a request…if something should happen to me would someone change my status and harvest my farm town crops?
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10-09-2009 16:21
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got a call this morning at 5:30 and found out I won the Nobel Peace Prize because I thought peace sounded like a good idea. I turned them down becuase I hadn't done anything to win it. Anyone here who the runner up was?
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10-09-2009 16:12
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Nobel Prizes are not for what you are "trying" to do, they are for what you have actually achieved. I nominate myself for a Nobel Prize in Medicine for my "efforts" in finding a cure for hangovers.
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10-09-2009 11:32 by danimal88
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Never critisize your wife's judgment. . . .look who she married
NASA is only bombing the moon to help get rid of werewolves...
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10-09-2009 09:13
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the weekend draws near.. oh liver, you know I love u..
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10-09-2009 01:01
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Dear mom while I have been away at college I have learned to make rational and accountable decisions while I'm drinking. However we may or may not have a drunken cat on our hands.
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10-08-2009 22:27
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I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.
how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?
I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
just found out why the chicken crossed the road....it's really not that funny
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10-08-2009 13:48
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the fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
'So, Just in case all Hell does freeze over, What's your Number?"
I think, therefore we have nothing in common
I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you
has never went to bed with an ugly girl, just woke up with a few THANKS ALCOHOL
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10-08-2009 13:27
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unfriended several people. Apparently the whole "other people can see what you say on here" concept doesn't resonate with them.
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10-08-2009 12:16 by @Jesus
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How good was last night? Last night was so good, I actually tried to order a vodka tonic at Jimmy John's Subs...If only you would've seen the cashier's face
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10-08-2009 10:08 by @Matt_Rad
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
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10-08-2009 01:11
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