Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6286 of 6370
..is anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!
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10-26-2009 09:21
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going to freeze some sperm for later use in life, but wonders if the ice cube tray makes a suitable container
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10-26-2009 04:42 by Steve
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puts the pro in procrastinate
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10-26-2009 03:51 by @Felesar
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ust read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them.
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10-26-2009 03:45 by @Felesar
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People say I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
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10-26-2009 03:42 by @Felesar
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thinks her inner skinny girl was eaten by her inner fat girl....
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10-26-2009 01:51
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FACEBOOK..... YOU ARE NOT MY THERAPIST!!! DONT ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE!
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10-25-2009 21:47 by cisne
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perfected the art of making Ramen Noodles in the microwave!
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10-25-2009 21:38 by 8 )
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I'm booking a cruise ship for a trip from reality. I need a count. Who wants tickets?
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10-25-2009 18:55
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Well aware how much wood a woodchuck could chuck.
Can't help but laugh at you when you have confederate flag on the back of your honda with a Connecticut license plate.
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10-25-2009 14:41 by ash Ras
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One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.”
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10-25-2009 08:46
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
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10-25-2009 08:41
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Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a d*ck.
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10-25-2009 08:41
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Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why they attack you.
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10-25-2009 08:39
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You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.
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10-25-2009 08:38
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Midgets smell different things in crowded elevators.
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10-25-2009 08:33
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would like to inform facebook that it FAILS at "Change". 0bama could use the same advice too.
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10-25-2009 01:07
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laughs at people who put vague facebook statuses that are written to get comments. something like: “Yeah, alright!” – it's like they are writing “please ask me why I am happy”
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10-24-2009 22:28
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Knows you're getting old when you watch a porno and think "Oh that bed looks comfortable.".
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10-24-2009 12:51
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