Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   decided to live forever ..................... or die in the attempt.

   It was so cold this morning she actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!

   ..time is precious so be careful who you waste it on.

   late but I am the latest

   thinks she is FIT! And yes, she is definitely unpretentious!

   you don't have to be the most handsome guy neither the richest to pick up girls....just be able to lick your eyebrow

   thinks she is FIT! And yes, she is definitely unpretentious!

   has developed his own H1N1 Vaccine consisting of: NyQuil, Tylenol-3, Vodka, Rohypnol, Benadryl, OxyContin, Spiced Rum and a hint of Lemon. ---Directions: Drink One Full Glass every hour to Remove all Care and Worry about the H1N1 virus.....

   just taken a hit to the 'nads.... Man down!!

   jones'ing for a Shamrock shake....

   the Real reason Hamid Karzai got handed his second term. That's right... I did it. :P

   A lot of good conversations are ruined by some idiot that actually knows what he's talking about.

   Thinking ████████████ 99%

   dont drink n park..accidents cause people!!!

   Fighting off bunnies trying to steal my lucky charms

   ready for No Shave November 2009. Join the Facebook Group!

   defying gravity, NOTHING can bring him down

   Don't ask me to tell you my status, FACEBOOK, you're not my therapist!

   knowledge is knowing that pepper is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in fruit salad

   seeking a meaningful overnight relationship