Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   'We've all bet on a fart and lost' is the best example of the Human condition I ever heard

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Why a billionaire is asking for help to pay his legal expenses? you can't be that stupid right?

   Saw the fattest Dalmation ever on my way home from the supermarket yesterday. It was huge & had these teats that were almost touching the ground & it made a weird bark, like "moo"

   I hope people who wear their masks on their chin not covering their face at all just so they can say that they're wearing a mask know that they look like something their contraceptive fell off of.

   Yeah, I like the seasons too. That's why I live in a place that skips the nasty ones.

   Ladies If your going to cut off all your hair and go bald just give us a warning. I'm sitting here wondering when did I add this dude on my profile page?

   .8/14 8:06pm Trump tweeted: Feels good to be home after 7 months. WHAT?

   I'm a wack a doodle teddy. I wack my doodle every time. While watching a porn girl with a big behind. That's how I spend my night time.

   My Korean co-worker was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner today. But someone let the cat out of the bag.

   The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy are, pack her bags and leave.

   I wish someone had a beef with me, maybe with BBQ sauce

   I am not as worried about growing old as I am foundering myself on these Flathead Cherries

   The only bad thing about not caring if the toilet paper roll goes under or over is forgetting which way you put it on while taking a dump in the dark

   Sometimes when people come up in my chat on Facebook, I feel like Facebook is like "Go on. Open that pandoras box" LOL

   COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!

   COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!

   If nothing else, at least his persistence is funny.

   They lack empathy and guilt, and are egocentric and do not conform to social, moral and legal norms.

   If I hear the song call me maybe one more time i'm gonna go freaking INSANE.