Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   n honor of vasectomy awareness, for the rest of the day, all men should post the color of their undergarments on their FB status. I'll start. Paisley

   URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT! An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Setting>Enable Webcam> Record Movie. Please repost it to your status!!!

   ok the sneakers are on, the treadmill is unfolded but I am having a hard time to put the the two togeather!!!!

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   I think I need to start doing pullups to get more of the ladies attention. Pull up in a Benz, Pull up in a Vette, Pull up in a Beamer....

   could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.

   ladies... dont forget about cervical cancer awareness day today.

   Pump Up The Volume ιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlι

   just because I flirt it doesn't mean I'm interested, it just means I'm awake

   very shy. please flirt aggressively

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex.

   Help! My Chia Pet is sick and I'm not sure if I should bring it to the Vet or the Florist?

   For tomorrows bra forecast, its looking mostly black with a splash of peach moving in for the afternoon. Tomorrow night, it's all leopard skin, with lows in the matching thong.

   as my part of breast cancer awareness I will be giving "free mammograms"...

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   happy to learn what bra color all my female friends are wearing today! I don't belive any of you...send pics just so I know your not lying to me....

   all I know is ANY other day ask a woman what color bra they're wearing and you get a dirty look. Make it for awareness and colors are flying like the gay pride parade.

   Yes guys the colors are bra colors they are wearing...it is for breast cancer awareness...Just tell them you give free mammograms or that NUDE is a color...HA