Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Says Anything you Can Do... I Can Do It Better!!!

   life is about kicking a$$ not kissing it!!!!!

   I think I'm ready for a man in my life again. I cleaned out one drawer...in the kitchen, two inches of hanger space...in the hall closet and enough room for one pair of shoes...on the porch.

   im not conceited,im just simply aware if how sexy I am!!

   if love is blind,how does it happen at 1st sight???

   helping people find Jesus, one funeral at a time...

   you can sleep with a blonde,you can sleep with a brunette, but you won't get any sleep with a redhead. ;)

   Gray hair is God's Graffiti.... Then the Big Guy's been scribbling all over my melon like a newbie gang initiate.

   's dad's bumper sticker says: I'm spending my kids inheritance...on her bail.

   never give up...often success is just a step away!

   misses the way things were and is running out of ideas on how to get it back

   Welcome back, Sunday....it's nice to see you. Stay a while...don't be in such a rush to leave like your friends Friday and Saturday!

   Correction: If your boyfriend answers your text while playing mw2, he doesn't love you. He just died.

   - I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.

   Am I the only one that when I see a "Siemens" commercial I giggle?

   If Facebook is running slower than my brain before breakfast, they should probably fix the problem asap.

   just realized you can re-arrange the letters in Federal Stimulus to spell "Failed Result Sum."

   Some things are best kept between you and your neighbours. Like a fence.

   Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason.

   wants to be 9' tall and blue so I can plug my hair into my orange dragon thing and fly to the floating mountains. Am I on drugs? No, but someone ought to test James Cameron!