Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   kleptomania, when it's bad I take something for it..........Nipper

   So my tailbone has been killing me cause I'm putting in extra hours working. I talked to the nurse about it. She said and I quote "stop sitting on your ass so much".

   The front desk had an add on the TV that said just call them with any request to make your stay more enjoyable. So I did, jeez they didn't have to get so upset..

   I think there should be a hotline that won't answer for people who never take advice in the first place.

   Smartphones & PC's... iPhones are as popular as Windows PC's and Androids are as popular as Apple MAC's... Technological Karma :s

   A hello to those that may think you are crazy is only a wake-up call to those living on the other side.

   It turns out Muse is more than Musicians United for Safe Energy. It's an okay band too!

   The Oscar Pistorius "The Blade Runner" murder story has taken over the headlines. Would't it be an even better story if he used a knife to kill her.

   Kesha drank her own urine on her new reality show. RUN WITH it guys...

   I love a good meal at the deli. Where else can I go to get an overabundance of nitrites, nitrates, saturated fats, cholesterol and sodium all served up on weird bread that contains seeds?

   Door shoppoing is harder than I thought. They all have knobs in the glory hole...

   My girlfriend wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an I'm asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I

   Cooker on, bacon, baceaten!

   Kill your vibe? How can I kill something that never existed in the first place?

   woke up this morning with a serious case of sexyback.

   seems like they'd have an app for the smart phones & tablets where you can just write down important things for the ppl that forget stuff.....on the ipad & iphone they can call it "iforget"

   Summer officially checked in at 1:04 am. For Floridians, it also clocked in at 1:04 am. Back in April.

   I'm the least productive after lunch. My metabolism protests against any form of physical or intellectual effort. The boss doesn't get it.

   wondering if anyone's ever gotten someone to do heroin by doing "heeeere comes the airplane!" with the spoon

   Just got bit by a spider, hoping it was radioactive instead of poi