Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Went to a movie theater for the first time in two years over the weekend. It’s still the best nap that $24.99 can buy.

   If corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?

   N!gg@h please. You no g@ngster, you too black, you a Thug..

   Twilight. Let's break it down. Twi= What Elmer Fudd is always doing. Twi'ing to hunt a wabbit. Light=Electromagnetic radiation of a wavelength that is visible to the eye. I think we can all agree that Elmer Fudd & Radiation should not be mixed.

   color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while…

   Me Chinese, Me Play Joke, Me put Roofie in your Coke

   It's a good thing Chris Rock didn't make a joke about Alec Baldwin's wife.

   I havent had sex in so long what if I forgot how to moan and instead I go : moooooo

   In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me “what is in cells?” I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home.

   if crackheads smoked meth, they'd be methheads... duh.

   has his food, water, bateries, and flashlights ready for Y2010k! They say it's going to be 10x worse than Y2K!

   wondering why they don't simply cover the oil spill with a HUGE portion of kitty litter.

   Women should just shut up and listen to and do what men say!!

   If you don't grab your girls booty at least 46 times a day, you're living life all wrong.

   Your so fat you look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your finger nails LoL

   just gave the dollar to a cover for a bar with which I just did cocaine with

   Walmart won't sell guns to anyone under 21. So if you're 21 or older and angry..... Come on down.

   What to confuse Hellen Keller ? give her a basketball and tell her to read it

   that pirates are better than ninjas

   My kids won’t stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we’re watching Poltergeist.