Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Too bad Freddie Mercury was a fl@mer. He could've had any 67 year old woman in the northeastern US.

   I came into this world with nothing, and still have most of it.

   Take your spouse to IKEA from time to time to check out the status of your relationship

   If you people truly believe we're in danger then you are a f-ing moron.

   in a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?

   when life hands you lemons, through it back at live and say hey I asked for limes

   hiding in the T.A.R.D.I.S. hiding from the Daleks.

   true understanding can only be achieved through a balanced application of both head and heart...

   ...Pam Anderson helps relocate dogs affected by Oil Spill. Unfortnately she had to put one dog out of its misery. R.I.P. Jon Gosselin.

   wondering, where in the world is Carmen San Diego? I'm worried!

   when I would cry as a kid, my sisters would sing..nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms....maybe I should have tried the worms?...nah rather have no friends!

   was so disappointed when he found out that it was called "we day" not "weed day"...

   Barbara Billingsley thank you for introducing us to and letting us see the beaver.

   Hey are you stalking me? I'm so tired of hot women following me around all day, it gets annoying.

   With all the 300+ horsepower cars they have these days with the expensive 16, 17 and 18 inch tires a 50 dollar burnout isn't very long. But it's not like you have to pay for it right now. Light um up!

   Watching the movie 'Alive' is making me cold, thirsty and cannibalistic

   if "Fe" on the periodic table of the elements is iron, does that make females iron males?

   I know some ladies here who need to come out courageous nough and upload their non-edited pictures,,,feel safe...u'r cute..anyway

   X It must suck being stupid and knowing 100% of all parents wish you were smart.

   I'm thinking this Super Bowl will create the biggest buzz of all and more shotguns than ever.