Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   without trust, there is suspicion whenever your filled with suspicion everyone starts looking evil to you

   There's an update available for my Vuvuzela app on my phone. I bet now, rather than making a noise, it just says "You"re a douchebag!"

   if Silvia Brown wanted to really impress me, she should send me a note telling me that she knows that I'm not gonna be at her concert.

   that behind every player there is always someone who put them in the game..(~o,^)..

   I keep losing at solitary Hangman - must be the sadist in me

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Ever it all changed .. it just hasn't been the same

   keep your lips sealed....even deaf people can read.

   when a whisper becomes a yell, best just deny it

   Met a girl tonight at the Fox and the Hound she said she has 3 tattoos. She said if I get her drunk enough she'll show me. She said she has a bird in her hand and two in her........

   Unless your baby is an Autobot, keep it the hell away from me.

   My phone was cordless until it got smart.

   My engine brings all the mechanics to the yard,,, and I'm like, You better fix cars...

   No matter how good looking she is, somewhere a man is tired of her crap... Jayz

   dinosaurs were on the ark, Noah was smart enough to know you bring the babies, just bring a pink and a blue one....that part will be important later.

   I only drink to forget what I was about to say.

   Her insomnia was so bad; she couldn't sleep during office hours. :))

   NB: I am not a Giraffe. Not because I'm a boring fart who won't play, but because I am a smart fart who got it right

   People are just waiting to get offended. I'm offended that you're allowed to breathe. :-)

   Sometimes I feel like cashier's find a certain joy in letting things run down the conveyer belt and then stopping it right after I decide to stop it 007 style with the person in front of me.