Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   As a certain first lady would say, merry kressmas everyone.

   Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

   Trump being re-elected is as likely as Ken and Barbie doing the wild thing.

   I've learnt one very interesting thing about money......It doesn't buy "CLASS" no matter how many millions of it you have got

   I’m at the age where, whenever I think of my age, I think, “I should go lie down.”

   ‘They always talk to me like I’m an idiot.’ ~dogs in therapy

   If they could only do as much for the veterans that they do the gays I would be impressed, but only then.

   Question, Can Happiness buy money?

   If performance-enhancing drugs aren't allowed in sports then why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?

   I don’t know about you but I always take the road less traveled because chances are I won’t run into Brandon voters

   without trust, there is suspicion whenever your filled with suspicion everyone starts looking evil to you

   There's an update available for my Vuvuzela app on my phone. I bet now, rather than making a noise, it just says "You"re a douchebag!"

   if Silvia Brown wanted to really impress me, she should send me a note telling me that she knows that I'm not gonna be at her concert.

   that behind every player there is always someone who put them in the game..(~o,^)..

   I keep losing at solitary Hangman - must be the sadist in me

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Ever it all changed .. it just hasn't been the same

   keep your lips sealed....even deaf people can read.

   when a whisper becomes a yell, best just deny it

   Met a girl tonight at the Fox and the Hound she said she has 3 tattoos. She said if I get her drunk enough she'll show me. She said she has a bird in her hand and two in her........