Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   THIS JUST IN: Hooters seeks extra support due to unprecedented sagging.

   Take control and put her in the no fly zone before she puts you in the friend zone.

   going to upload a cat picture, but I don't like them!

   went to a storage war, kept sayin yuuuuuup, hope they take monopoly money

   so adjective, she verbs nouns

   so 21st rescued miner says to mistress "I'm taking you to bed for a few days" - come to think of it he is experienced being in deep dark holes for long periods of time.

   This just in......Deanna Farve, wife of Brett Farve, has issued a statement saying that the cell phone pics weren't meant for Jenn Sterger but they were meant to be sent to her. She was quoted as saying, "They were supposed to be sent to me but you know B

   trying to think of someplace to fly to...that pat down thing might not be so bad! I mean...I AM past 50 so pats and excitement like that come far and few between

   I love you! And that's ok that you don't, because sometimes the beauty is in the attempt

   I shoved a hot moist piece of meat in my mouth. first time I really felt dirty from having a bbq

   it looks like my 401k took in the rear by some greeks

   Here kitty kitty, Screaming at the can of food will not make it open by itself.

   I wear the pants in my house ....... straight after I've washed and ironed them. Yep I'M THE BOSS when shes not home and she bloody well knows it too !!!

   joined the group "George Burns to host SNL" Let's see how good you THINK you are Facebook....

   Create me a phone that, when I get a call from someone I do not like, it goes straight to voice mail. When they do, I will then accept it as a “Smart Phone.”

   To the girl who cut us off on the freeway. "James Joyce" told me to tell yoU - See You In Tea!

   She's somewhat of a mixture between a chickenhead and a swallow

   has status electricity...if you get too close there maybe status friction and you'll get status shock.

   I'm just a man; but wrap me in aluminum foil and I'll be your knight in shining armor!

   wonders why the DJ is playing Lil Wayne but you are dancing like you hear Pink Floyd...