Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Some friends I would trust with my life, others I wouldn't trust with my drink and the rest I would be mad to trust with my girlfriend. 
I can say with CERTITUDE.. When you Twitpic your junk, there's bound to be trouble...Weinergate 2011
im not a loser I'm just on the Z list of celebrities
Hall way monitors at school..was bad enough..now we have to work these people...sheeesh.!!!!!
Yep, I didn't get any unwanted fathers day cards yesterday!!!! HAPPY MONDAY :D
it wrong to be this excited about Paranormal Activity 3 coming out in October? Well if it is, then I don't want to be right
Job's forbidden fruit co. (Apple) has turned you into an unrepentable sinner if your partner says "iLoveU" and you reply with "When is the launch date for that?"
'One Direction's Zayn Malik vows to ditch the fags' - I didn't know he was planning on starting a solo career.
Fifty bucks says I make way more unnecessary noises than you.
happier than a Puppy wagging two tails !
It's funny how once you dislike the personality/actions of one of your co-workers, EVERYTHING They do gets on your nerves/offends you . “Look at this dummy, eating those crackers & drinking coffee like she owns the place! Uggghh"
I've got a huge tip for people with lots of rubbish.
With Daylight Savings in effect but on a leap year, isn't this only Sunday? #ThingsMyCoffeeMakerTalksToMeAbout
May you have the luck of the Irish and starve today because you can't find potatoes!
scrubbing the barnacles off a bum so my daughter has a date to the prom....being fat aint easy
I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for birthdays....It's such a joy to watch their faces light up!
Five men in Boston found in a basement bound with duck tape covered in condiments! Dinners ready!
My wife wanted to go window shopping so I took her to Jones Pane and Glass!
creeping your photos and I might add I'M IMPRESSED!!!
People who bring a bottle of wine to your house really want you to see that they are people who brought a bottle of wine to your house. 