Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   mad the only time people like stufff is if it's BAD... :\

   Just once I would like to step on the gas and run the slow all take all day to cross the street person over ...!!!!!

   im just grading some cheese...

   This just in..... everyone is NOT created equal.

   I just tried to rewind live TV and it said "Your V+ box has been in energy saving mode and is just waking up" ... crikey I know how it feels!

   clocks visible at work should be banned. I can't stop glancing back at it after every task I complete. Its now 10:36

   I guess it's safe to say, Punxsutawney Phil won't be out tomorrow

   with in a minute, ____________ will be the first person to "like" this post because he is always on line and always is the first one.

   You know your getting old when your wife/gf beats you in COD

   Was that Nikki or was Cruella DeVille just on the Grammys?

   looking for a landingstrip to a hanger where I can park my plane in for the night.

   you know you are the luckiest person when ur on the beach in the middle of 10's of people and a Pigeon decides to send you regards from above.

   Some friends I would trust with my life, others I wouldn't trust with my drink and the rest I would be mad to trust with my girlfriend.

   I can say with CERTITUDE.. When you Twitpic your junk, there's bound to be trouble...Weinergate 2011

   im not a loser I'm just on the Z list of celebrities

   Hall way monitors at school..was bad enough..now we have to work these people...sheeesh.!!!!!

   Yep, I didn't get any unwanted fathers day cards yesterday!!!! HAPPY MONDAY :D

   it wrong to be this excited about Paranormal Activity 3 coming out in October? Well if it is, then I don't want to be right

   Job's forbidden fruit co. (Apple) has turned you into an unrepentable sinner if your partner says "iLoveU" and you reply with "When is the launch date for that?"

   'One Direction's Zayn Malik vows to ditch the fags' - I didn't know he was planning on starting a solo career.