Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm pretty sure my counting sheep are out parting with Mary's little lamb and Baa Baa Black Sheep.............

   "We do pretty well around here considering that people are basically good." -Satan talking to Lucifer

   As an adult, true confidence can only be measured by taking a dump, and doing ONE no look wipe and walking away with a smile on your face. Period.

   it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.

   It was so cold today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pocket.

   Thank you Facebook for the friends day video I just deleted 99% of my Facebook "so called friends"

   Who cares if Peyton Manning stuck his privates in a girls face in 1996? He was 19. Even the Pope probably did sheet like that when he was 19.

   I'm sorry Real World.. I don't have time to get to know 7 more people.. My Fb is already full!

   mad the only time people like stufff is if it's BAD... :\

   Just once I would like to step on the gas and run the slow all take all day to cross the street person over ...!!!!!

   im just grading some cheese...

   This just in..... everyone is NOT created equal.

   I just tried to rewind live TV and it said "Your V+ box has been in energy saving mode and is just waking up" ... crikey I know how it feels!

   clocks visible at work should be banned. I can't stop glancing back at it after every task I complete. Its now 10:36

   I guess it's safe to say, Punxsutawney Phil won't be out tomorrow

   with in a minute, ____________ will be the first person to "like" this post because he is always on line and always is the first one.

   You know your getting old when your wife/gf beats you in COD

   Was that Nikki or was Cruella DeVille just on the Grammys?

   looking for a landingstrip to a hanger where I can park my plane in for the night.

   you know you are the luckiest person when ur on the beach in the middle of 10's of people and a Pigeon decides to send you regards from above.