Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering.... If they are old enough to go to the store.... are they old enough to get bread?

   eBay makes things so much more simple and quicker when your purchasing...

   admit it. We ALL got a little Gary Busey inside us...

   a lot of women stick their cell phone in their bra now days....i guess that makes it an "over the shoulder phone holder"

   Sometimes when I have contractors come over to work at my house I feel like giving them a tip. But then I stop and think...why stop at just the "tip"?

   I want to admit my mistakes, but people might think that I'm an idiot.

   I can't win for nothing! Parent just told me I need to eat cause I'm getting to skinny. This was the same parent that told me 2 yrs ago I was fat and stop eating!

   When life gives you lemons, get some Tequila and call me

   I think the hives on my arm are trying to start a bluegrass band.

   Just realized I havn't checked in on my Tamagotchi for 14 years. Wish my wife could be the same way.

   I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman.

   Of course I'm into sports, I love surfing :-) ....surfing on the Internet, that is :P

   You just join FB 10 minutes ago and I'm the first person you send a friend request to when I don't even know you. STALKER ALERT NOW ON!

   Boy, the "Chiller" channel has dropped the ball this afternoon. It's showing a movie titled "Midnight Movie" where a deranged killer stalks movie patrons.

   it's so hot, my balls are now best friends with my knees...

   I wonder if the Ethiopian Blend Coffee I just bought is fat free?

   Just got an X-ray at the hospital and tried to crack on to the chick doing it........she could see right through me though :(

   I hate when couples say "we're expecting a baby" ... like you're not expecting an alien to rip out of your tummy? Oh okay, thought it was either one or the other.

   I think they should move the movie "2012" from the Science Fiction section to the Comedy Section.. It is already 21st of December in Australia and nothing happened.

   this is the stat that never ends it goes on and on my friends someone started reading it not knowing what it was and they'll continue reading it forever just because