Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well, I guess we now know the grim reaper is a mexican, him coming over here and taking our Jobs. :/

   My girlfriend was really as she's just won a makeover. "It's just like that show on Channel 4!" she beamed... "What, Scrapheap Challenge?".

   why arent orphans good at baseball? They don't know where home is.

   i think schools should start teaching chinese and punjabi,since thats the only people that work at tim hortons!

   A strip club inside Starbucks - Starbutts.

   "Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine."

   If I superglued WD-40, what would happen

   hears BP is using a huge upside down funnel in the Gulf of Mexico; suddenly I'm having a deja vu/flashback of the beach I used to visit in the Gulf of Mexico, the funnel, and how I was upside down...

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   that we need to stop the insanity by not drinking more of that hatorade!

   good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   in a related story, I have two brothers, two nieces, several cousins, aunts and uncles.

   dyslexic and just finished walking into a bra.

   Everytime I see that Megan Fox on that tv screen of mine, it sure gets a rise out of me.

   Erin Culbertson Did you know that a woman has 3 knees and a man has 4 knees? A woman has a left knee, a right knee, and a hiney. A man has a left knee, a right knee, a hiney, and a weenie.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, now there is A dell rolling in the deep :)

   Don't worry Adam Levine, most people hate your country also. It's not only you.

   I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.

   Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

   The only Catholic announcements I’m interested in this week are St. Patrick’s Day Bar specials.