Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   that we need to stop the insanity by not drinking more of that hatorade!

   good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   in a related story, I have two brothers, two nieces, several cousins, aunts and uncles.

   dyslexic and just finished walking into a bra.

   Everytime I see that Megan Fox on that tv screen of mine, it sure gets a rise out of me.

   Erin Culbertson Did you know that a woman has 3 knees and a man has 4 knees? A woman has a left knee, a right knee, and a hiney. A man has a left knee, a right knee, a hiney, and a weenie.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, now there is A dell rolling in the deep :)

   Don't worry Adam Levine, most people hate your country also. It's not only you.

   I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.

   Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

   The only Catholic announcements I’m interested in this week are St. Patrick’s Day Bar specials.

   How so you fit 4 gay guys on a stool? flip it over

   If Facebook retains ownership of everything you post, I'm going to upload my debt...

   It's about time we, as a sophisticated society, start getting birds to wear diapers.

   My buddy’s wife put him on a strict diet, so now I earn money by selling him Reese’s through the back door.

   A friend rubbed tomato ketchup on his eyes.In Heinz sight , it wasn't a good idea.

   If we were in a locked room together,and there was two warewovles ,and I had a gun,with two silver bullets...I will soot you twice

   i was going to dress up as Cailey Anthony for halloween but my mom said shed kill me

   2022 will go in the history books as the year they legalized insanity!