Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the enemy of my enemy is my enemy in law

   You mean lies like "I never met Stormy Daniel's in my life"?

   You know how much delusion we live in this world when you see Binyamin Netanyahu shoulder to shoulder with world leaders in a march for "freedom and tolerance"

   I can't find my phone,,, I must be on Malaysia Airplain mode

   Liking Your Own Status Is Like High Fiving Yourself..

   America...... All the gear and no idea!! How does it feel to know everyone hates you. :)

   Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.

   Never once in my life have I ever met a dentist in a social situation randomly somewhere outside of a dentist’s office. Think about it.

   Meery Kressmiss everyone, from the bottom of my gold-digging, porn star heart.

   making sentences with the words liver and cheese... liver alone cheese mine!

   Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

   This girl I know asked her plastic surgeon to put jewels in with her fake boobs so she can have a treasure chest.

   Better to be Bipolar than Bi.

   Who said, you have to eat healthy to get in shape?

   it is such a big shame how some Americans derive joy out of others pain, RIP Paul walker and may your family have the strength to move on

   Arresting someone for saying the elections are rigged just further proves that the elections are rigged.

   It's a good day in heaven, Betty White gets to have some Meatloaf.

   Whenever I send a picture of my wiener to a woman, I hold it next to baby corn so she thinks I can afford full-size corn....)

   I like to go to parks and watch the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks

   does PayPal call anyone else 40 times a day from a 208-515-7481? Them people need to get a life! LOL, I'm not paying you!!