Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   when the snowboarders are finished with their runs, do they go back to the Olympic Village and look for BC Bud?

   Lord Voldemort is pure evil. He turned Cedric Diggory into Edward Cullen!

   real men don`t wear pink , it ain`t big and it ain`t clever.

   i can ride my bike with no handlebars no handlebars no handle *crashes*

   does find it very funny that on the news they have immigrants who want to vote Tory !! just like turkeys voting for christmas ... they might aswell vote BNP !! buy hey , at least they won`t have to pay a higher tax rate !!

   If I kick his sister in the jaw, will that circumcise a hillbilly?

   do you really want Miracle Water made by Rev. Peter Popoff.com

   can ride a bike with no handlebars

   I met Mr. Cadbury on Quality Street at Bournville, close to Mars in this Galaxy, the Milky Way. It was After Eight, on a Double Decker, I was feeling the Crunch as I was Bounty hunting for Kit-Kat. My stop was next, Toblerone.

   would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook

   if it wasnt for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!!!

   нαρρу ωσмєиѕ ∂αу тσ υѕ gяσωи вєαυтιfυℓ ωσмєи!!! :D ♡

   My anorexic friend died doing what she loved. Starving.

   I'm still waiting for this civil war you promised for impeaching Trump.

   If any Disney execs are reading this, call me. I’ve got an idea for another Star Wars spin off. It’s called Paul Darth, Maul Cop.

   Looks like it's probably going to to be a "guilty of manslaughter" verdict. Women are emotional and probably don't want to upset the prosecutor or defense so I predict they will choose a "compromise verdict" of guilty of manslaughter.

   its better to burp and taste it than to fart and waste it

   I'm trying to think of a really good Miley Cyrus joke but it's not twearking

   some people can make the world a better place by putting a shotgun in thier mouths.

   I'm not telling my new girlfriend about my vasectomy. She really wants to have a baby.