Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   eating a raccoon taco, anybody want some?

   I am perfectly blithe to chortle at you bourgeios addlepates who pontificate nascent verbiage to seem shrewd. Guess what, you fecal matter is odoriferous.

   todays horoscope-Your belief that all of life's problems can be solved by a heart to heart talk and a good nights sleep will be tested when you are introduced to mathmatics.

   I need to move some money around. By that, I mean...I'm going to take the change from my console and convert it to bills, so I'll have money in my pocket!

   When you're going down a slide, and your balls hit the side,,it's a Rapture!!

   Now where did I put those crystals for this napoleon dynamite time machine?

   Doing the Jerk....its a dance...To be honest I could jerk it all day...And I dont ever see myself gettin tired doin it...And its a good workout too..I mean my arm is already gettin tired...And I only been jerking for a couple of mins now..I love dancing

   just visited the virgin islands, and no wits just the islands.

   I been seeinq the same posts for the past weeks. yall needa to stop slackin, I need more qudd statuses (:

   IRONY,too much Alcohol on a night out causes the loss of the ability to remember, think & reason....

   im not sure how to say this but I'm gonna say it the only way I know how but...I wanna have sex Katy Perry.

   #Thinking ...This chick is weird and odd but LORD DOES SHE HAVE A BOD!!

   everybody hates it when their job blows...but love it the other way round.

   Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Thats not very smart, I wouldnt have done that!

   Sueing White Castle because You are too fat to fit in their booths is like putting the gun in jail for shooting someone. Sit in a chair instead! I <3 White Castle!

   just read that the Raiders Organization says they will have an open casket for Al Davis....most people won't know the difference anyway

   has anyone found that satellite that suppose of hit the earth yet?

   In London, England The Big Ben clock tower is leaning, and it's getting worse. This Political Question comes to mind: Is it leaning to the Right or the Left?

   n't it ironic... Amy Winehouse's debut album was called Frank. Maybe she should have talked to him!

   All I attract is hoes, lord if I’m a pimp just say that