Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I been seeinq the same posts for the past weeks. yall needa to stop slackin, I need more qudd statuses (:

   IRONY,too much Alcohol on a night out causes the loss of the ability to remember, think & reason....

   im not sure how to say this but I'm gonna say it the only way I know how but...I wanna have sex Katy Perry.

   #Thinking ...This chick is weird and odd but LORD DOES SHE HAVE A BOD!!

   everybody hates it when their job blows...but love it the other way round.

   Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Thats not very smart, I wouldnt have done that!

   Sueing White Castle because You are too fat to fit in their booths is like putting the gun in jail for shooting someone. Sit in a chair instead! I <3 White Castle!

   just read that the Raiders Organization says they will have an open casket for Al Davis....most people won't know the difference anyway

   has anyone found that satellite that suppose of hit the earth yet?

   In London, England The Big Ben clock tower is leaning, and it's getting worse. This Political Question comes to mind: Is it leaning to the Right or the Left?

   n't it ironic... Amy Winehouse's debut album was called Frank. Maybe she should have talked to him!

   All I attract is hoes, lord if I’m a pimp just say that

   Queen's Gambit: The only thing more boring than chess, is a series about it.

   I sneak into hospitals and kiss coma patients.

   Homophobia is the fear of someone getting laid the way you would not like them to.

   My wife asked me the other day if I had seen the dog bowl. I replied, I didn’t know he did that.

   To coup or not to coup may one day be the question.

   . Will space aliens be ask to pay for space force?

   That is a political miscarriage for the USA

   The day a black NFL player gets shot by a cop, ruining Paul Ryan's fantasy football team, will be the day the GOP addresses police brutality.