Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks anyone caught wikileaking in public should be prosecuted.

   's school bus was so short, they had to put two fat kids in the back to keep it from tipping forward.

   My girl, it's difficult to say what she does....she sells sea shells on the sea shore.

   Standup Facebook. Where "Poke" is the new booty call.

   agrees with Ellen DeGeneres. Tennis ball chasers would be more efficient if they used a leaf blower.

   Hiding from the sun again

   Survey reveals what women feel about their Azzes. Only 15% women feel their Azz is too big. Remaining 85% say: We don�t care, we are married to them.

   Yes, but keep copies." -- When my secretary asked me if she should destroy files that were over ten years old.

   reading Come On In! by Doris Open

   just informed that her Birth Certificate has expired.

   Where can I find what youse all is smoking in here?

   its so humid, is that oil I smell in the air?

   eating a raccoon taco, anybody want some?

   I am perfectly blithe to chortle at you bourgeios addlepates who pontificate nascent verbiage to seem shrewd. Guess what, you fecal matter is odoriferous.

   todays horoscope-Your belief that all of life's problems can be solved by a heart to heart talk and a good nights sleep will be tested when you are introduced to mathmatics.

   I need to move some money around. By that, I mean...I'm going to take the change from my console and convert it to bills, so I'll have money in my pocket!

   When you're going down a slide, and your balls hit the side,,it's a Rapture!!

   Now where did I put those crystals for this napoleon dynamite time machine?

   Doing the Jerk....its a dance...To be honest I could jerk it all day...And I dont ever see myself gettin tired doin it...And its a good workout too..I mean my arm is already gettin tired...And I only been jerking for a couple of mins now..I love dancing

   just visited the virgin islands, and no wits just the islands.