Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Where will be your higher power if you could travel around in space?...

   thinking about 2012 and what the changes could be that the Mayans predicted. Studying a crop circles and the Sumerian creation text that seemingly Christianity borrowed. So many fascinating things to think about.

   likes the Hide button so much that he is now working on one for the laundry.

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   Sometimes wishes he was deaf, so all her nagging would look like a funny dance!

   I like Jay Sean's music. He's like Chris Brown, sans the beatings.

   If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

   You know Law & Order is taking over the world when you see "SUV" in a headline and wonder what idiot missed a typo.

   My journey of a thousand miles began with a single step. But I had the wrong shoes on and now i've gone back a few paces.

   went to the dark side but came back cause they lied about having cookies....

   People took LSD to make the world weird . . . now people take Prozac to make it normal.

   an expert on escaping padded cells and straight jackets

   note to self: learn that the word voltage is a bad thing before placing hands on the cables

   your ass must be from McDonald's, cuz I'm luvin it!

   The one good thing I experienced about eating at In & Out Burger is it helped get rid of that gum I swallowed several years ago.

   I may not be Einstein, but dumb + dumb = you

   Theres no way in hell I'm ever buying my child a Elmo doll...I'm still having nightmares from having one as a child!

   If “plan A” didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters.

   · you know if she hasn't text ya back half of the the night you know shes taken care of

   Getting tired of people who haven't had a drop in 10 years calling themselves alcoholics. If you're living in Iowa, you ain't a sea captain.