Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Zuckerberg has agreed to expunge the "Dictatators Suck" FB Page ~ Kim Jong-un

   My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"

   I really don't mind if you don't something for me as long as you dont' say you are going to do it but don't.

   Went out and bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it :-s

   the guy with the giraffe and all the gold tryin' to give the Dos Equis guy a run for his money?

   Found a can of Clorox Disinfecting Wipes in a men's room stall at work. I don't think I'd want to wipe my a$$ with anything that has Clorox in it. That can't end well. (Pardon the pun)

   There are 25 interesting things you can do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking!

   It took losing you to find me though it would have taken finding me to keep me from losing you.

   Glad to see Lady GaGa(g) selected another food group for the Grammy's. Then performed as Barbara Eden of "I Dream Of Jeannie"

   Casey Anthony trial ends today. Roger Clemens trial begins today. Coincidence?.... I think not.

   It's bad enough that my dog picked one of the most congested streets to take a sh*t, but he had to do it in the middle of the sidewalk while people stared. Psh, puppies.

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   was thinking tonight, if your parents sent you to school with a giant "lunchable" pack for your lunch everyday, they didnt love you

   I'm eatin' in a world where i'm considered baked,

   it is 6:01 and I am still here... or am I??? Rapture Schmapture!

   quit telling me how addictive the things I ingest are...you know what else is addictive?!!?! EFFIN FOOD..if you stop eating you will have withdraws too!! FREAKS!!

   Just got robo-call from Paul Revere warning that the redcoats are coming. My, he's changed.

   I don't know why all these gamers are in the news, moaning about PS3 and now Nintendo being hacked. Back in the day I once hacked my ZX Spectrum, and got infinite lives on Chuckie Egg. It was awesome.

   Gerbil owner? Add an element of surprise to your pets day by placing a bowl of ready Brek in it's cage, covered in sawdust and then placing a sign nearby saying "danger quicksand"

   your always smiling while you play on the rain and frowning when you play in the sun.