Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fanny packs- still better baggage than you carry.

   If you watch the Godfather backwards it's about a bunch of guys that come back from the dead and then go to a wedding

   procuring stones to cast at thou.

   people that say 'i shi t you not' should probably invest in some laxatives.

   people that put empty containers back in the fridge and pantry are the same people that want to a die, a long, slow and painful death.

   Having weak phone reception is the closest I'll ever be to having relationship problems.

   Looks like they used up all the power trying to revive Wyclef’s career.

   It's entirely conceivable that the ass I just saw plays a key role in the machinations of the rocking world...

   A recent study has shown that its much more difficult to lie to someone you truly love than lying to someone you don't love.

   This guy next to me is giving me the get off your phone and drive look.

   If you love someone set them free. If they comeback, probably it was a Fast & The Furious Movie.

   Oh, don't mind me, I'm just singing Usher's "Nice & Slow" to some pizza.

   I hate waiting in line ups. Hurry up and pick a suspect already.

   No word from my date last night. I texted "We Might As Well Be Strangers" & "This Is The Last Time!" Hope I'm not coming across too Keane.

   just sitting here with my hand in the cookie jar :)

   Who thinks Bobby Brown knew what he was singing about in “My Prerogative”?

   "F hash tags and retweets, 140 characters in these streets"

   When you live in Syria and the only way out is going to Iraq...you are in great sh**

   Sticks and Stones and Trademarks may break my bones

   Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again and throwing yourself down a flight of stairs in a furious tear-filled rage?