Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My bracket is destroyed. I had Inga, Bjorn, and Johan in my Swede 16.

   "Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen..." Anchorman gets a sequel!

   Here's a good one: What's funnier than "I/'m bad...really bad". ....Everything!!!!

   let me be your next instagram

   I told a lady at work she had foundation problems. She said that I had never seen her house. True, but I could smell her face.

   if common sense was made out of chocolate you wouldnt have enought to fill a smartie...

   After several years I finaly saw the whole picture ... Damn you A.J. and Nick, you ruined the growing potential of the Backstreet Boys !! :p

   ha today is10/10/10

   Wishes Cesar Millan could wisper to these dern mosquito's and tell them to leave me the hell alone!

   The miner in best shape came out last.. You know that kocky one with the abs,"El Situacion"

   I don't believe I ever heard a man speak worse English with more difficulty, than Christiano Ronaldo in that Castrol commercial xD

   I clear sign that the recession isn't over I just drove past a cat holding a homeless sign WTF???

   annoying heat; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   going to go camping at North Korea State Beach and play a great camping game of Hide-and-keep-hiding!

   trying to find Osama is like trying to find Waldo....I give up.

   A traveling medical marijuana clinic was forced to shut down. The driver kept stopping at every McDonalds.

   taking a leak of faith..after this 2 and a half hr movie - Inception..

   Dang Kobe, first Artest and now Matt Barnes!? Talk about keeping ur friends close and ur enemies closer! Lol

   Just spent several minutes looking at photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Now I'm going to cure cancer...

   What's this bullsh*t that Pandora is telling me that I've gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! This is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!