Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm going to spend Labor Day this year putting my liver to work.

   I bought a cabin on a lake.... but there are signs all over my side of the lake saying "NO WAKE ZONE"...... now I am afraid to go to sleep.

   There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel alright.

   Why is the Devil's number 666? Shouldn't it be like 911?

   i spend so much time on FB I might get married to someone on my friend list and host a FB wedding lol and Invite all my friend to the Fan Page lmao

   Phoebe's rendition on my rusty trombone last night, was so moving, it bought a tear to my eye.

   Announcing that your parents used to be cool hippies who went to Woodstock is probably not only a lie, but it also does not change the fact that they have a loser for a child.

   ♥ uʍop ǝpıısdn pןɹoʍ ʎɯ uɹnʇ noʎ ♥

   I wish some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's...when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   ...Snooki arrested at Jersey Shore for disorderly conduct. Cops let her go probably due to her strong resemblance to a donut... I'm just sayin'.

   “If you think you're somehow superior to anyone else because” you’re ugly but wealthy or you’re ugly but have higher social status “you just might be an idiot.”

   No you are mistaken my ignorant friend. I am in Africa right now and we are NOT buried in any orange clothing. Who dresses in orange? Even us have standards.

   You know why nobody has gotten a GPS location on Obamas cell phone to take him out. Because he has several million citizens under his plan so you'd miss every time. . .

   What's the difference between agal who shops at Walmart and a bowling ball? If you had to you'd could eat the bowling ball...

   Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart

   I just went to that God wants you to know app.. It said, "Nothing" :-/

   heard someone say there is a .45 cent concert going to be held this weekend on national tv...it will be 50 cent, featuring Nickleback.....

   Trump is basically King Solomon, but stupid. He can’t think of a solution to the country’s problems, so he just divided it in two.

   So, if you are crediting a woman for something, and treating them equally, you might be a idiot 1ibera1.

   Old Age comes at a really bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.