Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   has an additional sentence that he never wanted to hear in bed: "On Facebook you wrote 17 cm!"

   the moonwalk part of the field sobriety test? If not this dude is totally wasted!

   there a defragment program for your brain?

   I put minute rice in a slow cooker and it took 3 hours

   Yep it is that time of year when some of us hate tax time!!! Thanks too the goverment you will get my money again this year!!!! Hope you will enjoy it

   man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under hes arm, hes says a pint for me and one for the road,,,

   out like your hairdo!!

   It doesn't really matter how high you can jump, or how fast you can go... it's all about how well you can bounce.

   You can't tell me to do that. It's like telling the NWA to stop being black.

   no green food for me this year! I get enough of that from my own fridge!

   due to the london roits , london calling and anarchy in the uk sales have soared

   Warning.. This Status is Rated TV MA LSV!

   feel kinda funny. whats that bright light? Oh Wait, I'm being Raptured! Sweet! Good Buy Everyone!!!!! I'll tell Elvis Hi For You.

   maybe jfraze should read the homepage that sais statuses for facebook...just sayin....Love not anger..

   no mere mortal can resist The evil of the thriller!!!! I'm thinking it is a klondike bar.

   Don't wait for someone else to write the ending of a story that you started from the beginning.

   if there was a more adult way to say "extra chocolate" I would enjoy more shakes in my life.

   As an Asian, the only Super Bowl I was ever interested in involves a dimunitive looking Japanese man polishing off a mammoth bowl of Ramen.

   wondering how much you would do for a klondike bar.

   I'm counting the calories as I eat this double quarter pounder with cheese...Wish me luck weight lost!