StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 21:12 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey self-appointed MILFs, easy does it. We'll let you know.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 21:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walked by a child clutching a stuffed animal. The kid made the stuffed animal's paw wave at me & now I'm finding it hard to hate everything.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 21:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That's how many seconds you just wasted.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 21:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 21:05 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I'm leaving the work bathroom and I see the cleaning lady waiting, we exchange the knowing look that I just crapped in her office
←Rate | 06-26-2014 20:33 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I'm trying to say is, you look like Shrek
←Rate | 06-26-2014 20:26 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get a load of this guy" - worst slogan for a sperm bank
←Rate | 06-26-2014 00:09 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
←Rate | 06-26-2014 00:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"s you up like a "G".
←Rate | 06-24-2014 01:59 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My car doesn't have a passenger airbag but don't worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
←Rate | 06-16-2014 12:43 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon iOS 8 let's you passcode lock specific apps? It's fun imagining how many break ups that will cause
←Rate | 06-10-2014 03:09 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter. I don't even know who's party it was!
←Rate | 06-10-2014 02:32 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you come up to my bedroom door and there is a sock on the door handle it means I'm having sex..... Probably with the other sock.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 01:45 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
←Rate | 05-30-2014 14:57 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It's like we work there for a little while.
←Rate | 05-30-2014 14:56 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  


   messageicon I learned all my dance moves from the paternity test episodes of Maury.
←Rate | 05-29-2014 18:53 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy" I then wait at green lights 'til I feel better about myself.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 19:33 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon The death of Friends star David Schwimmer this afternoon came as a huge shock to me, but it's made me realize how this s ite is a primary source of news to many people. Which is why you just believed me that David Schwimmer is dead.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 14:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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