GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Here is some good free advice. When you see someone gorgeous, this is what I do. I just stare until I get tired, then I put the mirror down and go do something else.

   Marriage tip: If your wife is upset with you, simply tell her that you'll buy her some crayons if she wants to keep acting like a child. After hearing this, she will immediately reflect on her behavior and calm down.

   BLOND: How much does that microwave cost? MANAGER: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes. BLOND: How did you know I was a natural blond? MANAGER: Because that's a TV.

   Why do I have to grow up? ..Isn't it enough that I've learned how to behave in public?

   Toilet was stolen out of city hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on.

   A blonde finds out she's going to have twins and starts crying. "What's wrong," the doctor asked, "Do you not want twins?" The blonde replied, "No, I don't know who the second dad is!"

   What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron woman? One's a super hero and the other is a simple command.

   Marriage tip: When your wife says you're only coming in to get one thing, always grab a cart, because she's lying. Follow me for more marriage advice.

   Marriage tip: If your wife comes home in a bad mood and starts an argument for no reason like she does from time to time, just use this simple phrase: "My mom was right about you". This usually does the trick and stops the argument.

   Marriage tip: Let me teach you about dishes. When you come down to the kitchen and see a sink full of dishes, if you're the husband just ignore it! Just let them pile up higher and higher until your wife gets tired of seeing them and does them herself! ðŸ

   I sent a ninja to your house to steal your cookies!

   I am going to change the name of my ipod to "The Ship." That way when I plug it into the computer, it says, "The Ship is syncing."

   My smart mouth always gets me in trouble. And if it's not my mouth, it's my facial expressions.

   Everybody hates a cliffhanger because of the

   Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and WILL be used against you... So use your right to remain silent!

   Marriage tip: If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.

   Jellyfish have survived 650 million years, despite not having a brain. This gives so many people hope.

   Marriage tip 101: If your wife asks you if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym just like she runs her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.

   My armpits smell like garlic bread. Me, flirting

   Marriage is very simple. The husband is king of the house and the wife obeys his every command.