Gabe Funny Status Messages

   I just found out ISIS has been using porn sites to send subliminal messages! This explains my urge to run out and buy fertilizer every day...

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks...

   I got the kids Frozen yesterday... and the sperm bank only charged me $100 for doing it...

   Apparently both Bill and Hillary like private servers...

   All my passwords are protected by amnesia...

   In World Cup news, the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6...

   So the CIA had a secret compound at Gitmo named "Strawberry Fields"? "Poppy Fields" would be a more appropriate name...

   Finally! A White House official was fired! A Benghazi official? No... IRS? No... Fast and Furious? Over the AP or James Rosen? HHS? No, no, no, and no. Jofi Joseph, fired for having a fake twitter acct.How dare he!

   After visiting the gov't healthcare site, I don't know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...

   I want so bad to post a Kim and Kanye joke, but it would be off color and in the wrong direction...

   So, Los Angeles wants Meatless Monday... and probably followed by Tater Tot Tuesday and Weinerless Wednesday...

   Hey! There's a new 90 minute comedy/variety show that starts tonight at 9pm! I believe it's called 'Fun with Mitt and Barack'... I don't know though, bet it gets cancelled after 3 shows...

   So. I don't see you for months and now you pop up and expect me to take care of you?? OK, fine. I'll start up the mower....stupid grass...