Eddy Funny Status Messages

   everyone is making a big deal about seeing an eclipse...haven't they sat down in a movie theater before?

   I'm sure the white house has leaks....it's an old building

   If your Tupperware has "nutrition facts" on the side of the container, you might be a redneck

   when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   forget senior discounts..Oj can get free stuff just buy saying something like "I'd kill to have some coffee right now"

   we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British

   people either say i'm "pretty funny" or "pretty smart" but they always forget the word "and"

   DUI of the Tiger

   rubix cube: the original fidget toy

   I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter

   I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures

   raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine

   been single for so long I should change my name to "Kraft"

   a president with sex tapes...gee, I'm glad we didn't put a Clinton in office again

   don't forget tonight we time travel without a T.A.R.D.I.S

   when I go to the store looking for paper towel, I feel like a BOUNTY hunter

   irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"

   pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks

   IKEA is just adult LEGO sets