jdpower Funny Status Messages

   The first guy to blow a vuvuzela at an NFL game will be getting his a$$ kicked.

   South African authorities are estimating that 40,000 sex workers will trickle in for the World Cup. Wow! I had no idea hookers like soccer so much!

   I'm putting together a crew for the Rapture, Just booked 4 Penske trucks for Sunday. I'm still in need of 2 drivers and 8 laborers. Meet me at the Wal-Mart parking lot at 6:00 AM Saturday, a BBQ will follow

   I'm thinking about buying an invisible box that they trap mimes in.

   In retrospect, everything is foreshadowing.

   Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.

   BBC News: high brow. Fox News: low brow. Al Jazeera: unibrow.

   Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".

   I wonder if Cher is going to get lonely once the rest of us have died.

   Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich

   WTF is up with people hating on HipHop these days? Thanks to Lil Wayne,I now know that a "Goblin" is better than a "Goon", Pitbull taught Me how to count to 4 in Spanish, and Plies taught me how to be intimate with a woman by pouring Kool-Aid down her a$$

   i am pleased that BP has stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico

   French couple claims to have found 271 unknown Picassos. Suspiciously, one of them is "Still Life with McRib."

   Dear Guys Named "Rhys" --Please tell us how it's pronounced already, or prepare to be known as "Buddy"

   Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.

   I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.

   Composeurs pretend to write classical music.

   I had to use my AK this afternoon.. Still, it was a good day, as I only used it to scratch my back.

   Trump wants Obama to show his birth certificate.. In other news, Trump is still trying to find all his marriage certificates.

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.