StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Whenever you think your job sucks, remember; At least you're not the guy, at Instagram, that has to search for and delete all the d!ck pics.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 20:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon These spaghetti-o's taste like I don't get paid until tomorrow.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 10:24 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1920: "May I have this dance?" 1950: "Want to go to the drive-in?" 1980: "What's your sign?" 2012: "Here's a picture of my pe**s."
←Rate | 01-03-2013 10:40 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love how people b*tch on h3re about stealing a stat from a webs!te or a person. Like, WTF are you doing on T Js anyway? I'm pretty sure your h3re to steal a stat.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 16:39 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a call today from a distorted voice saying "Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 11:59 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy" I then wait at green lights 'til I feel better about myself.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 19:33 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pregnant Kim Kardashian is moaning in a magazine, "Nothing looks good on me" I disagree. A grand piano dropped from a considerable height would.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 19:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?
←Rate | 10-29-2014 19:29 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon 10 year old girls are crying because they broke up with their boyfriend. When I was 10 I cried because I missed the morning cartoons.
←Rate | 09-08-2013 18:42 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son asked what marriage is like so I answered, "It's fine" and then gave him the silent treatment for three days.
←Rate | 11-17-2014 23:42 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ONLY thing I miss about being a teenager is being able to legally punch other teenagers.
←Rate | 09-25-2013 19:48 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I say "do I smell popcorn" right after I fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:14 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon How does a woman carry a child in her stomach for 9 months, go through all the pain, hold it in her arms, and end up calling it laquisha
←Rate | 02-04-2014 15:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!
←Rate | 07-16-2012 13:42 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon 11 year old kids making Facebook accounts. What the hell are you gonna post about? 'Just got the new 64 Crayola pack......with the sharpener!'
←Rate | 06-05-2013 16:59 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mix LSD with Advil your headache rides away on a dragon.
←Rate | 08-02-2013 21:42 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West must feel very conflicted right now. He's excited Kim is pregnant, but deep down he knows Beyonce had the best baby of all time.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 16:03 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't help being lazy. It walks in the family.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 19:46 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 13:58 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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