Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages
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I wish people would be honest in their FB posts, like, "Happy birthday to my slightly less than average looking kind of friend, Jenny."
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Damn you, books on shelves that don't activate a secret door.
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Ever see someone in a hurry and they do that last little mad dash to their final destination? How much time does that save.....2.3 seconds?
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I think it's impossible to play the Wii without looking like you're competing in a relay race for the Special Olympics.
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Swimming in the pool counts as a shower, right?!?
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So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?
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You'd think the only people on Earth who could teleport would be working for the military instead of State Farm.
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I wouldn't say that I'm really a bad dancer more like....overly Caucasian.
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Just finished everything that I had on my To Do list for today which was just a drawing of a set of boobs on a Post It note.
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Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.
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You can workout and brag about your muscles all you want but it still isn't going to make you any taller.
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I wonder if clouds look down on us and say stuff like "That one's shaped like an idiot."
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Walmart Guy: Sir, it should take about thirty minutes for your oil change. If you want to do some shopping, we will call your name out over the loudspeaker when we are finished. Me: If you want to live, you will not call my name out over the loudspeaker.
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it me or are 75% of the people that use handicap parking spots not suffering from a handicap at all???
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Today's fun: Knock on random doors and say, "Hi, my name is Current Resident, and I've been told you're the jerk who has been opening all my mail."
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The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)
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You know....spooning leads to forking right?
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As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.
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The saddest part about my neighbor demanding I not serve booze to her kids is finding out they're not cool dwarfs who like to party.
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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, speak of, mention, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club.
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