Shout out to all my friends who never post, like or say anything on Facebook, You're my heroes!
But if you silent friend's could do me one little favor and like just this one status so I'll know your still out there breathing and actually give a damn wha
Last year my New Year's resolution was to loss 30 lbs and now that we're about to ring in another New Year I'm happy to say that I've only got 40 more pounds to go!
The problem with driving an old air-cooled Volkswagen bus is kids keep mistaking it as an ice cream truck, and the worst part is it's so slow they could almost catch you.
One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory.
By, The cashier at Chipotle
And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.
When a girl says "Aw that's that's very sweet of you" to a male friend who asks her out on a date what she's really trying to say is "Back into the friends zone with you!"