Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages
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Apparently someone is stabbed in Detroit every 54 secs. It must suck to be that guy.
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My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"
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I think women should be put on the front lines of any military assault force once a month. PMS+ gun = unstoppable.
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Proof that even chickens believe in an afterlife.
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Amazon's Prime Day: An experiment in quantifying disappointment. #primeday
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Congrats USA. Always one step behind Canada and one step closer to being Canada...now give up your guns...it's your destiny. [/Palpatine]
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4/21...Happy Surprise Random Drug Test Day.
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Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.
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I'll be dressed up tonight as a dad who sends his kids house to house to beg for handouts while eating their candy in the street like a hobo zombie.
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Just watched a movie with my kids about a young girl that is transported to a surreal land where she kills the first person she meets. Then she meets up with 3 other strangers to kill again. The Wizard of Oz.
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Wife said she needs a break from picking up my socks on the floor. Fine with me...I also have 12 pairs of underwear.
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What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and becomes immortal. Is it Commando Friday yet?
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2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.
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So cold my foot long shrunk to a 6”...I didn’t go to Subway today either.
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Just made a batch of my super spicy 3 jalapeno chili. MILF! And by MILF I mean Man I Love to Fart!!
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Sometimes when I have contractors come over to work at my house I feel like giving them a tip. But then I stop and think...why stop at just the "tip"?
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I think Charles Ramsey might be on to something here. I'm going to get a deep dark tan and fly down to Cleveland and see what white women come running into my arms.
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What if you take Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Moderna at the same time and just let them fight it out inside you?
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So I guess once you go black you can't go back...you have to go orange.
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I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.
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