Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Apparently someone is stabbed in Detroit every 54 secs. It must suck to be that guy.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 23:45 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:28 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think women should be put on the front lines of any military assault force once a month. PMS+ gun = unstoppable.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 19:15 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Proof that even chickens believe in an afterlife.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 15:03 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon's Prime Day: An experiment in quantifying disappointment. #primeday
←Rate | 07-17-2015 00:08 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats USA. Always one step behind Canada and one step closer to being Canada...now give up your guns...it's your destiny. [/Palpatine]
←Rate | 06-26-2015 16:32 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4/21...Happy Surprise Random Drug Test Day.
←Rate | 04-21-2013 08:13 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.
←Rate | 04-19-2021 21:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be dressed up tonight as a dad who sends his kids house to house to beg for handouts while eating their candy in the street like a hobo zombie.
←Rate | 10-31-2016 14:05 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched a movie with my kids about a young girl that is transported to a surreal land where she kills the first person she meets. Then she meets up with 3 other strangers to kill again. The Wizard of Oz.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 23:08 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife said she needs a break from picking up my socks on the floor. Fine with me...I also have 12 pairs of underwear.
←Rate | 02-26-2013 19:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and becomes immortal. Is it Commando Friday yet?
←Rate | 01-17-2013 08:26 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.
←Rate | 12-31-2016 11:43 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold my foot long shrunk to a 6”...I didn’t go to Subway today either.
←Rate | 01-29-2019 14:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just made a batch of my super spicy 3 jalapeno chili. MILF! And by MILF I mean Man I Love to Fart!!
←Rate | 04-30-2014 19:27 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when I have contractors come over to work at my house I feel like giving them a tip. But then I stop and think...why stop at just the "tip"?
←Rate | 05-17-2013 14:06 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Charles Ramsey might be on to something here. I'm going to get a deep dark tan and fly down to Cleveland and see what white women come running into my arms.
←Rate | 05-08-2013 09:56 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if you take Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Moderna at the same time and just let them fight it out inside you?
←Rate | 04-16-2021 20:06 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I guess once you go black you can't go back...you have to go orange.
←Rate | 11-09-2016 10:49 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.
←Rate | 12-07-2021 15:00 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  




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