@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My wife said, "I want you to toast some bread for me." So I raised my wine glass and said, "To bread!"
←Rate | 10-08-2011 10:45 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend left me because she was sick of my xbox puns. I guess we didn't really kinect.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 12:01 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I woke up this morning and found my big toe was missing, in it's place was a litte note that read 'gone to market'
←Rate | 09-07-2011 07:21 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought "That's just spam."
←Rate | 05-11-2011 04:48 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbour forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.
←Rate | 04-13-2011 07:32 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went for a self-defence class last night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me" So when I saw him in Sainsburys the next day I threw a tin of beans at his head.
←Rate | 06-05-2011 15:25 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon So they've sent George Michael to prison. Isn't that like sentencing Vanessa Feltz to eight weeks in a chocolate factory?
←Rate | 09-16-2010 05:33 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Jeremy Kyle show........ The only place a baby has more teeth than all 4 of it's parents put together
←Rate | 09-12-2011 08:59 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm David Beckham, and Harper 7 was my idea"
←Rate | 07-12-2011 05:37 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once Liverpool sell Fernando Torres they are going to put an offer in for Andy Murray - They've never seen someone hit the net so many times in 90 minutes.
←Rate | 01-30-2011 11:53 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer it stays in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and it starts to sag - It's not what you think... it's a Tetley's Tea Bag!!
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:47 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with plants. I said "For f-cks sake petal, where has this stemmed from?"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:07 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon BBC NEWS: Apple sues Samsung for 'copying' . Samsung retaliate with name calling and telling the teacher.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 05:26 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"
←Rate | 06-08-2011 08:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tulisa, sexiest woman in the world? I wouldn't even have her down as the sexiest woman in N-Dubz.
←Rate | 05-02-2012 08:39 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to a posh do tonight. The invitation says, 'Black Tie Only'. Christ, I'm going to be f-kin freezing!
←Rate | 12-24-2010 11:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon BBC Sport: "Liverpool want Fanni" - Don't we all.
←Rate | 11-16-2010 11:31 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Precision. Concentration. Patience & Fearlessness. 4 skills I possess whilst shavin my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 06:26 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon They say that 40 is the new 30 - try telling that to a speed camera!
←Rate | 11-26-2010 03:23 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon rang British Telecom today and said "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said "Not you again."
←Rate | 08-26-2010 05:18 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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