Funny Status Messages

   Don't wish me a good day, I was looking forward to having a bad and taking it out at YOU!!!

   Cinematic Superbowl commercial trailers. Really America?

   I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff will come down for a while.

   says when a woman ask "what did you say?", she heard it, but she is giving you a 2nd chance to say it right

   Got back from lunch a little late today...I stopped at the bank and got stuck behind someone trying to do a hostile takeover through the ATM...

   "I continue to heal from the damage I've caused..." -Weiner

   If the address on your id and the address where you live are one and the same then you ain't my type of people

   this update is brought to you by, The Retirement Planning & Consultants of Fishmore & Dolittle.

   i just found out that the earthquake in japan was an inside job by the illuminati. search it on youtube "Alex Jones Says Japan Earthquake Possibly an Inside Job"

   just like a good strom--slept right through the Royal Wedding.

   Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have s-e-x, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

   Your mamma hole is so hairy , it was a guest on Duck Dynasty

   COWORKER: ...and so, my big toe got cut off.... ME:. *farts*.... Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant

   How much douche could a douche bag douche if a douche bag could bag douche?

   Flynn has agreed to testify in exchange for immunity. "Can someone please offer me a deal?" responds Melania Trump.

   Butt stuff? God no. I'm a proper lady, and only use my butt hole for smuggling drugs.

   I need ID to buy a case of coke now. Interesting....

   Having some memory problems? Should we call for a doctor?

   Bill O'Reilly turned the No Spin Zone into the Hoe Sin Zone.

   I'm beginning to think the Romans were lucky,,,,, At least Nero could play an instrument. .