Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So, the Pope is resigning, eh? Perhaps I shouldn't have poked him so many times....but, in fairness - HE started that poke war to begin with.

   hope everyone had a great valentines day...and for those who didnt celebrate hope you guys had a good alentine ay......since you didnt get neither the "V" or the "D"....

   "Excuse me sir. Have you seem my pants?"

   Today a great American died one who did extensive research in the gag reflex for year, RIP Harry Reems

   Spring has sprung!! How do I know you may ask??? Well I am seeing more and more muffin tops the mandals are back and socks with crocs are on the rise!!!

   Women are like maths. As soon as you think you've finally figured it out, something harder and more confusing comes along.

   I had an Aquarium store once, It tanked though....

   why as a man would you tell a woman, your welcome on mothers day ... for malin this day possible like we dont get our own holiday called fathers day you silly guy

   Cats probably get mad that they have to pay an assassin 9 times for one job.

   "Why Do We Fall, Master Wayne...?" - Alfred

   THONY DEVITO 07/17/2012 No matter how busy I am, I always manage to make room in my life to get unreasonably angry when an update I'm proud of gets no reaction.

   In sta gram was much more exciting when I thought it was a fast c0caine service.

   Let it be know that if you touch my phone and it's not a life or death situation, it automatically becomes a life or death situation.

   Ready for Hurricane Isaac!! All the tape and plywood making driving tricky tho'!!

   How scary was it when robo-cop took his helmet off for the first time?

   The Mayan calendar was just a countdown for us to do something Epic.

   I did so much crack last night, I broke into my own house. I was halfway out with the TV before I realized it was my place.

   my power is going through red lights and looking hot enough to not get pulled over

   Not going to see the new Hansel & Gretel. However, in keeping with the spirit of those who get excited over this type of thing, I'm leaving a trail of breadcrumbs everywhere I go so I can find my way home.

   I didn't know what love meant... until I looked it up in the dictionary