Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   gets a kick out of "bobble-head" Obama. Kinda moves his head in a figure eight like Stevie Wonder

   Real men don't cry........ Real men point and laugh at the fag thats crying...........

   Sometimes a married man needs to cheat just to break the monogamy.

   Somebody made alot of money selling their baby to Elton John! Hope he doesn't let the "SON go down on him."

   Sorry I yelled “pull” when you released doves at your wedding this past Saturday..

   Once again, its time for me to break my foot off in your 'John-Browne Hine-Parts'. (Not sure what that means...heard it in 'Remember the Titans'....it sounds scary tho!!!)

   Life always play with us, when we are helpless..!!!

   I know I am not the most manly guy around but I hate being called b!tch by a woman.

   wondering if it is weird to hold a conversation with the guy in you head.... "No Billy, I'm not talking about you."

   they got him in a mansion.. but I'll bet anything he was in the basement.. AKA man-"cave"

   Too effin bad that Jack Bauer doesn't work for US govt. He would've caught hold of Laden in 24 hours!

   You know when you watch children to much when you think news channel and punch in cartoon channel.

   Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...I'm sorry but I'm a sick, sick woman. I can't stop!

   Whats the over/under on mentions of Favre during tonight's broadcast? Ah, it doesn't matter I'll take the over on that regardless. Its nearly a sure thing. .

   Damn you advertise commercial that "Big Time Rush ft Snoop Dogg -Boy Friend" Imvoluntary stuck on repeat in my Head....!!!

   If something is important enough in my life, it will be denoted by the fact I created an itunes playlist to represent it.

   If I talk really loud like that I could make you look like a bad guy too

   Being hungover is like eating a hot pocket. It starts off well and then you spend the rest of the night in the bathroom wondering how much crap can really come out.

   "420 is to the marijuana industry, what valentine's day is to the flower business

   Kim Jong Un took a port a potty with him on his trip to Soth Korea because he was afraid foreign spies may want to steal his poop.