Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm only adding you to make my friends list look bigger.

   hey it`s Friday , lets get pissed !

   I get drunk and bid on ebay!

   's is big. (Or maybe she said that to make me feel good.)

   taking joy in the fact that his ex girlfriend just got married and that her first name combined with her new last name results in a really funny name that others will ve sure to make fun of.

   Ooh crap! It's been over four hours.I'm grabing the video camera!

   I'm the architect of my present not an artifact of the lost and forgotten past...

   I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.

   If anyone can figure out how to be indoors and outdoors at the same time, it will be a cat.

   Pfft, No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just a bunch of fruits

   doesn't care what Richard Gere thinks, a gerbil should not be used as a sex toy.

   snow is like sex.....you never know when you're giong to get it and when you do, you never know how much you're going to get!

   Am I the only one who feels that if I had to describe urine's color and possible taste, that I should point to a yellow Vitamin Water?

   I'm not a Quitter. I'm might not accomplish these things, but I'll never quit.

   Jack Kevorkian once said, "The money is okay, but the work is murder."

   Do yall have any idea how many holes there would be if we just started taking the dirt of them??

   Just clubbed a Chik-Fil-A Cow with my Louisville Slugger and is now planning a rip roarin' BBQ this weekend and you're all invited...you're welcome.

   My girlfriend said shes leaving me because I'm too reckless and keep taking stupid risks. I think that's what she said anyway. I was shaving my bollox with a chainsaw at the time.

   I got Adonis DNA.....Just check my bed sheets! WINNING!

   wondering why Charlie seems to have lost his Sheen...