Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate it when I get into argument with another person and that other person is me.

   "Fix You". One of my favourite Coldplay songs. Please don't sing it tonight though!

   I have been considering spending $100 on a toilet brush. I think I need to gain some perspective as s hit doesn't deserve that much pampering.

   What's black, white, has gills but flies and is available at book stores??.................I don't know, nothing probably, cuz that's ridiculous.

   I'm trying really hard here not to apply myself, but I'm just so full of adhesive.

   JAB, Stalking my Facebook friends.. one at a time. . .

   You shouls say, People neither hate you for your weaknesses, nor for your your strengths; they hate you when you're needy and clingy.

   do FB users in Australia have Mates??

   If you have a crime in mind, today's the day to do it...Happy national donut day!

   About the Facebook IPO...want to get rich..(ofcourse ye do..!!)..here is the plan.. 1)Wait for the IPO.. 2)Expect a big buying fury...making the stock to spiral upwards.. 3)wait... 4)Then lets all of us..yes..all 800odd million of us not visit Facebook fo

   Great! Now my: foods to eat, places to visit, crafts to make list just got a whole lot longer. Thanks a lot Pinterest!

   If I'm not in your "top stories" when you open Facebook, then your Facebook is broken! ~ Me, probably.

   Why yes, yes I can do a pelvic exam, Miss. Here, step into the back of my van.

   Breaking news: Gary Glitter has applied for the England manager's job after hearing that two of the players are Young and Bent.....

   rearranging my bird's perches jus to watch him fall..

   If you can't handle the truth, stop asking tge questions. I'm into fairytales. Come on people, you know Snow White slept with a dwarf before Prince Charming came along!

   Dear guys, A girl is like a doll. You can dress her, undress her, play her & use her... but remember, a REAL MAN doesn't play with dolls.

   New Kids On The Block & Backstreet Boys joining forces in refusing to be forgotten and languish in the dustbin of history.

   The first thing I do before a fight is put my invisible armor on then crawl into a ball and beg for them not to beat m

   Oh! I saw something that reminded me of you today, but don't worry I flushed it..