Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i decided to go to church for the first time ever this morning...just to laugh hysterically...yeah...i was quickly kicked out...

   diputs leef uoy edam I sey <--Now read it backwords

   80% of people reading this will not find the the mistake in this A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.

   Women aren't panicking about the gas shortage...they've been riding around on E all the time.

   I can't believe people are watching SOCCER!! It's a bunch of guys running around like crazy, and NEVER scoring! It just reminds me of my high school years!

   The government knew those planes were coming!!!! why not shoot them

   Why do people think that Jesus is coming back? It's not like he was nailed to a f-kin boomerang

   wondering why when you type facebook on facebook it underlines it red as if to say you spelled it wrong. Seeeee, it did it again!! Twice!! I found the "glitch" in the Matrix..Woot

   If I dont fall asleep soon I'm going to jump off this 5 story books..

   Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.

   pretty sure Osama was armed.... Pretty sure he had to freakin legs too.

   Remember, don't text while being raptured.

   Why cant I find Stephen Hawkings new techno album 'heaven is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark' on Itunes?????

   At the risk of being unfollowed, I expelled enough gas at Starbucks today to fill a Trenta.

   Charlie Sheen gives advice: Stay off the crack, unless you can manage it socially. I can manage it fine, it;'s when I start using is I have trouble

   ♫Highway to the Friend Zone....Ride into the Friend Zone♫

   oh mr bean burrito, why do you hate me so?

   Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

   I feel the need to comment on the amount of energy we are expending on attempting to organize and control chaos. Life is fluid, my friends. The tighter you try to squeeze it, the more of it that escapes your between your fingers. Relax. Let t

   - When no one believes you even if everything you say is the truth, hurt a little, cry a little and let the choice be theirs.