Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I heard that crooked ship stuck in the Suez Canal has the crooked Biden family's money laundered millions from corrupt business dealings and pay to play schemes on board.

   I don't care if you like Trump, just don't be like him and hate all non white races.

   In my family, we settle all disputes by pointing out the other’s short comings and failures and whoever starts crying first loses.

   *First day as a missing person* Wife: Hello police? Yeah call it off he was just in the shower.

   I certainly hope Donald Trump Jr chokes on a handful of Skittles.

   Love is me pooping while she brushes her teeth, and when she starts to leave I say "but wait, there's more" and splash another log. We laugh

   wonders why people fart and waste, when you can burp and taste....

   Don't you just hate it when you hop out the shower & the first thing you feel is that" I have to doo doo feeling " I swear poop has no respect at all !!!!

   smoking crack with his pet monkey

   What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!

   Every time I see a "Baby On Board" sign in a car window I wonder why in the hell the baby isn't in a car seat? Isn't a car seat safer than strapping your baby on a board and do you really want to advertise your lack of parenting skills?

   aks: Does anyone elses poop turn green after eating Fruit Loops?

   ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos.

   ♩♩ ♬ Deck the hall with Balls of Holly now has a whole new meaning since gender changes are possible!! ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Faaaaalaaaalaaa laaa laa laa ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Tim

   Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder.

   Spare the rod, spoil the child? Um, no thanks. That sounds gross. How about I just keep using my rod to spoil these lovely ladies? (^^,)

   customers get on my nerves, if you gotta wait on a line wait !...."open up another register" If you at a red light you don't tell the police to open up another red light do you? wait you turn!

   If I love you only for your looks rather than for your soul, then you better be worried because I will dump your ass like yesterday’s mashed potatoes the next chance I get to hook up with someone cuter than you.

   D trumph will be President. And then Kanye West and 1st lady Kim. And then beiber. That'll be the fate of your country, you earned it

   Well on a positive note, Charlie Sheen.