Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Extreme Couponing O:

   I just thought of a quick way to spot a woman who is having that time of the month attitude problem! I call it the "Eye Pad!"

   I may not have fulfilled my dream of becoming a rock star just yet, but I will definitely make up for it one day by destroying a couple of keyboard while singing before I leave the office.

   Sometimes I can't blame these women for spying, stalking and researching on some of you men. Most of you be LMAO too much. LMAO as in Lying My A$$ Off.

   @ Justice -- executiion was delayed. Just because everyone said he "did it" doesn't mean he did.

   Feed the homless to the hungry and burn the elderly as an alternative fuel source.

   last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

   ______________is so gay, he is trying to drill a glory hole in his facebook wall.

   My tan has got a bit outta hand, the white man always called me indian squaw SNOOKI that's all I ever heard SNOOKI how I learned to hate the word SNOOKI she's no good they warned, the other children always laughed at me give her a grenade she's a SNOOKI

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.

   ..is anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!

   lets be REAL with ourselves.....if you say "no homo" after your sentence...ummm your homo

   thought a ipad was some sort of feminine hygiene product

   Recently the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey" passed away at the age of 104. His last words were, "I can't believe that's what it's all about."

   has just heard that many stars have been approached to pledge money and support to the victims of the Haiti Earthquake. However, rumours that Will Smith is to re-release`Boom Shake The Room` in aid of the victims have not been confirmed.

   i bet after sex that girl smokes a ham instead of a cigarette! ughh

   Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far far away from here...

   Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer teh olny oens brililnat ni unscarbmlnig snetneces leki thsi.

   * He more of a fearleader than a cheerleader.

   Watching this Sarah Palin Rally for Trump:....Did this chick use the words 'Bequested' and 'Pusssyfooting' as verbs??? OMG...SNL rating is going to go thru the roof!!! ....