Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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The teacher told Pepito to make sentences with his spelling words: the womans body is nice budwieser face so ugly? 
Happy Nurses (and students) Day!!! *that doesnt apply to Nurse Sharks though!
I love how everyone seems to be able to sing on facebook *singing*
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!
practicing karate. You know - waxing on and off, painting the fence, sanding the floor,
dont make love in your back garden! love is blind but ur neighbours arnt!!
when life throws you a lemon add the tequila and the salt !!
Ever notice no matter how hard you try, you still say Reese's PEECIES instead of pieces?
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker....
just looked at Yahoo! Trending Now: Brett Favre and Britney Spears right next to each other. Uh-oh. This could get out of hand in a hurry...
They told me to set my clock back Saturday night... Well I set mine back till when I was 27... Come Sunday morning after partying all night... I found out that it didn't work out so well...
Only in the US it's called "that little squiggly thingy", all other english speaking countries call it "Tilde".
I don't think there is anything funny about hitting your funnybone...
Ive been looking for my phone for over 3 hours. I cant find it nowhere! This happened ever since I downloaded this new app from Android called "HIDE AND SEEK".
Dear God, When I was young I said always wanted to be a hip-hop rapper...Not a Christmas gift wrapper...in a mall...on a rainy Wednesday. FML
I feel like Mr. Rogers when I wear a sweater...just not as sexy.
I walked into Kwik Trip to pay for the gas & get a soda. It said, "Brat Day $1.50" in big letters!! This explains so much of the kids' behavior!!
there are many peoples in front of pc for fb than doing their assignments today. it is a fact..trust me!
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
a jukebox hero with stars in his eyes 